Nothing Changes on New Year’s Day

So here it is…the first day of a new year and it feels just as shitty as the ones preceeding it. The reality of my life is almost unbearable at times. I wish I could molt and shed away all that holds me back from experiencing joy. Life is about to get very complicated and I just don’t have the emotional stamina to run the approaching gauntlet.

I want to disappear. Maybe if I lose enough weight, I will…..just vanish along with all my demons. So yeah, the ball dropped last night but so what? For me the only ball that truly dropped is the one I call my life…and I keep on dropping it. Always bouncing down the street, aimlessly, headed for the gutter opening. Maybe 2013 will be better! *smirk*

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~ by rhondarhondarhonda on January 2, 2012.

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